This Is What Its Like To Experience Secondary Infertility
Posted on April 5, 2018 by Inception Fertility
By Chanel DubofksyNo one should be maligned for wanting to plan their family.
I guess it was just bad luck, K told me. Neither she or her husband had any underlying health problems that could explain the 3miscarriagesshe had between thebirthof her first and second child.
R had a difficult time conceiving her first child until she learned she had anautoimmunecondition, and when that was treated, she got pregnant quickly. When she and her husband began to try for a second child, though, things once again proved challenging, and she and her doctor were stymied as to why. Maybe bad luck? Maybe unviable mutations? Maybe the random x-rays and medical procedures that my husband had during the period we were trying to conceive? Maybe a very extremebirth injurythat I sustained duringlaborwith my first? Who knows. We were starting to ask these questions when we gotpregnantagain.
Theres a name for this having a hard time conceiving after youve already had a child. Its called secondary infertility (SI). If youre under 35 and youve been trying to get pregnant for more than a year, with a regularmenstrual cycleand no health issues, or if youreover 35and youve been trying for 6 months,infertilityexperts will likely diagnose you with SI.
Conditions likeendometriosis,fibroids,fallopian tube disease, and factors like scarring from a previous pregnancy, andage(even if youre 5 years older than you were when you got pregnant the first time) can contribute to SI. Of course, there is the possibility that it has nothing to do with having avaginaat all, and its an issue ofspermquality.
After Ks third miscarriage, she decided to seek out more options. I basically said to myOB/GYNthat I wanted her to give me the name of a specialist. Her son was conceived after she began takingfertility drugsand she was injected with her husbandssemenduring peakovulation. While secondary infertility doesnt necessarily require treatment to resolve itself (depending on why its occurring in some cases, it might be a matter of a change indiet, but you should investigate whats going on with your doctor), Ks timeline was a factor in pursuing successful conception. She was in her late 30s, and her husband, who had two older children from a previous marriage, would only try for a year to have a second with her.
Dr. Mark Trolice is a is reproductive endocrinology and infertility specialist atFertility CARE The IVF Centerand Associate Professor of Ob/Gyn at the UCF College of Medicine. He cautions those who are wondering whats up with their second time around conception efforts that they might be dismissed at first. Dont worry, it will happen just like last time, are words often expressed by many physicians much to the impatience of the person experiencing secondary infertility.
Because SI, by definition, is about having another child, instead of a first one, its regularly dismissed and people seeking treatment for it often struggle to find emotional support.Dusty Williamsis amental healthcounselor who works with people dealing with infertility. She has also experienced SI. Women experiencing secondary infertility often feel deprived of the right to grieve. Their desire for more children and deep sadness over not having the family they envisioned is disenfranchised by society and often judged as being ungrateful. If a women does gather the courage to share her pain, she is almost always met with some version of, At least you were able to have one child. This invalidation often triggers feelings of guilt and social isolation.
There is a unique pain in secondary infertility, explained Williams, particularly when your child lets you know that they want a sibling. Seeing your child wrestle with their disappointment and loss has a way of magnifying your own, especially if you feel responsible for their pain.
I feel guilty that (fingers crossed) we will have another one given how many people I know who havent been able to have one, said R. She did a lot of thinking about whether or not she would be happy with one child, especially since she had always wanted four kids, and like K, she had a deadline to contend with. She and her husband did not want to be almost 40 and almost 50 by the time their second child was born. I really wanted to give her a sibling, she said. Not that were having a baby for her, but that was a consideration when we decided to keep trying.
Dr. Jenna McCarthy, of FloridasIVFMD, wants those coping with SI to know they arent alone. Over 1 million couples struggle with secondary infertility, and any time a couple has trouble getting pregnant (whether they have no children or many children) its devastating. Secondary infertility is generally very treatable, so I would encourage them to get evaluated as soon as they realize there is a problem.